Virtual coaching and mentoring works well for many of us. People appreciate the flexibility of a virtual meeting - there’s no need to travel to the same place and we can fit the session into our busy schedules more easily. Sessions are usually shorter and more focused.
There can be other advantages to virtual mentoring. Power distance is less strong when you are meeting by video call, and mentees may feel more equal with the mentor than in a physical face to face meeting. Some people open up more easily on a virtual call than in a physical meeting.
However it can be more difficult to build the relationship (rapport) when meeting virtually and you need to pay attention to this. If you can have one face to face meeting in person, that can help. Also be ready to spend more time building and maintaining the relationship.
Recommendations
- Talk as mentor and mentee or coach and coachee about the methods you are using and consciously design together how you will use them. Stay aware of your approach and regularly review to see what you might want to do differently.
- Remember to be fully present – connecting online offers plenty of distractions. Turn off alerts from other apps and software so you can listen and give full attention to your partner. Ensure that you are both in an environment where there will be no interruptions or distractions.
- If possible both people should switch on their cameras, it helps us focus and maintain connection.
- Don’t forget to re-establish the human connection at the beginning of the call; spend a few minutes tuning in to each other, don’t get down to work too quickly.
- Allow what might seem like awkward pauses in a conversation – the other person may just be thinking deeply and not ready to reply. Silence can be a precious gift that provides a chance for the speaker to arrange their thoughts or work out their own solutions before they talk.
- Use visual cues to be more comfortable with silence. Make eye contact. If possible, place the image of the other person near where your camera is on your screen so you can make better eye contact. Say things like ‘uh-uh’ to show you are there and listening and it’s fine for the other person to take time to think, or shape the next thing they are going to say.
- Agree a way for dealing with silence – for example, tell your partner that you will wait for a while before asking another question, so you are both ready for periods of silence. Be careful not to rush quickly in to making comments or giving advice, allow your partner time to explain and reflect on their own situation, insights and options.
- Agree whether and how you will exchange supporting documentation during the conversation.
- Only record the conversation with each other’s permission. Many people find that recording the conversation makes them less comfortable than they need to be for an effective dialogue.
- Review and take stock even more frequently than you would in a face-to-face mentoring or coaching relationship. Evaluate, every few times you connect, how the relationship is working and what could make it even more effective.
- Have an agenda for each call and agree the focus of the conversation at the beginning. Some really effective mentees and coachees send an agenda ahead of time with pertinent background.
- It’s good to have a clear starting point, but also to have the flexibility to let the dialogue develop naturally and to see what comes up. Often the most important insights happen when we allow ourselves to move beyond the planned agenda.
- Some virtual mentors and mentees find a preparation process helpful. The mentee sends an email about a week before the session with a few questions or topics for discussion and some background on their current situation, view or dilemma. The mentor then takes a couple of days to think through their answer and sends a reply for the mentee to think about before their scheduled call. This approach helps you both reflect on the situation and think about the other person’s view before the call and what questions you might want to ask each other. This can help you get more smoothly into a meaningful conversation when you talk. Coaches and coachees can use this process too.
- Some useful questions for mentors and coaches to ask before the session include:
- What is the issue you’d like to explore?
- Why is it important to you? Why now?
- What do you genuinely know? What do you think you know? What do you feel?
- How can I help you? Are you looking for a different perspective or do you what to bounce ideas around?
- What would be a good outcome for you from our call?
Sources
David Clutterbuck, 2012 article Guidelines on Distance Mentoring
https://www.coachingandmentoringinternational.org/ Gina Meibusch, Virtual mentoring – much better than “the best we can do…” 2020
https://artofmentoring.net/virtual-mentoring-2/ Melissa Richardson, Virtual Mentoring
https://artofmentoring.net/virtual-mentoring/
